Ken Andie part 9
Life went on as before. Working and sleeping, going out sometimes. It was difficult at home. I tried to stay away as much as possible. I missed my brother terribly. We were so close, I suffered with guilt. I had saved his life twice, but this time it was beyond me. My mother blamed me for his death. If had been here, he would have gone with me and not those boys, and be alive today. Hysterical, irrational and painful these days were. It was difficult to get through them.
A few days after the Nickelbag revelation, our work group went out after shift to Greek Town. I loved the food, the music, the dancing usually. But this day, I couldn’t. I wore the same dress I wore going out with my brother. I only had a couple going out dresses. It was a white eyelet lace halter, fitted with side slits, it was a favorite of mine.
As I was sitting there, the room shifted. It moved away, like a tunnel. I was being pulled backwards and the room became smaller, I was seeing everything at a distance, the noises lessened and the clarity arose around me like it had in the hospital when I knew he was dead. I felt something ending, I felt something coming to a close. Then, strangely enough, I simply didn’t want to be there anymore. I got up and went to the pay phone. I called Ken and asked him to come and get me.
As I waited, I felt a calm, a kind of certainty, it was an interesting feeling, in the midst of all the emotional turmoil, the clatter, loud music and the exotic roasting smells.
After a few minutes, I began moving towards the outside. The building was well lit. It was white with blue trim, typical of the restaurants in Greek Town.
I saw the car coming down the street. It was the most beautiful blue, like the incredibly blue waters surrounding the Greek Isles. The car roof was open and the harsh street lights shone down through the skylight, making the white upholstery glow incredibly brightly in the darkness. He got out and opened the door for me, and I got in. At that moment I felt I was home and I felt safe. It was like I was lifted from the darkness of sorrow into the bluest clouded sky. And we drove.
This song was it all. The man, the car, the time. My heart hurts every time I hear this, I see the happy expectant boy who drove up to save me from myself. I see his beautiful chariot. It’s magical to me.